I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
well, you know. whores of a feather.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
