Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
