WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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