My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
