I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
