Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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