I wanna bring you to show and tell
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize