I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
