Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
