There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
