8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
