Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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