he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
