I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
