Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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