the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
