a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
