Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize