I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize