I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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