Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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