then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
