Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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