Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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