i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
