You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize