it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
