It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
