It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize