i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
