omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We had to coat check the pizza.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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