remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
