I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
