I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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