my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
