If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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