oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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