dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
