i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
