I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
