Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize