my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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