What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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