I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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