in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
pop tarts are not kleenex
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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