if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
