It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
