I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
