you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
