puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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