U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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