he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
