Nicole vs. Life
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize