remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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