Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
