Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
