Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
