I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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