you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
