Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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