If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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