I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
