Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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