why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
