i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
