I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize