So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
