There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
