I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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