You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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