Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
