I wish life had little blips of pornography
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
