Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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