Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
