I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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