Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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