The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
