It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
