he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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