shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
