Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
