Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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