It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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