can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
