Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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