the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize