WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
