nut hugger
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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