she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Everyone says I win the strip club
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
