By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
