3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize